Im just a crazy kinda girl.

2:20pm: So Ive only been eatting 1 egg white on 1 piece of whole wheat toast. and its working but its getting kinda old. does anyone know of small meals to curb your appatite... thanks. <3 ::hugs::

3:52pm: fuck im F A T!

11:04pm: Oh Stupid Me!
OMG! I ate so fuckin much today! I really wish I could throw up! I would kill just for one day to be able to throw up! I ate a 6in subway chicken terrocki plain! Then 3 friggin brownies and they were good size too! I lost myself control! I feel like I am like 4 million lbs! I probably am now! gosh I am so disappointed I just want to lay down and cry forever! I'm such a hidious person I wish I could show a pic but I dont have any recently uploaded! But omg yesterday we had the "Fashion Show" at school. Its a bunch of skits put together by the theatre classes! It was based around Napoleon Dinamite's Freakin Awesome Prom... uh yeah. But it was basically what stupid things could go wrong at prom. And mine was Poor Man's Prom.. I was just a girl going to prom... When I went out on stage to model or say my line everyone was screaming my name I was like wtf.. lol.. but omg everyone kept telling me I looked so pretty and gorgous and stuff. And I was just like.. I know you're just telling me that so I dont put on anymore make up or anything so you'll be prettier than me. I am so self conscious! Like even the guys told me I looked good... but it doest matter I just know they're lying to me! -haha- but it did feel good to be complimented! Yeah I kept getting complimented today too... it was weird...

I FEEL SO SICK!

11:42pm: weird stomach issues
wow.. ok.. something is deffintly wrong with my stomach. Everytime I eat I get so sick to my stomach and end up losing what I just ate anyways.. hmm. odd? maybe its nerves or that I eat too fast.

good luck ladies!

<3,
Hannah

::thinkin thin::

10:18pm: ugh...
Well good grief so much freaking crap has happened to me in the last month! Well my b/f broke up with me cause he said he was getting way too attached before he had to go away to college.. then I found out that my bestfriend only has at the most 6 months to live; she's had cancer for like 9 years gah it really sucks and it hasnt hit me yet I still think she's gonna get better she's sooo strong... but yet in the back of my mind I know she isnt. So ive been under alot of hidden stress. I try to stay positive or atleast on the outside everyone is freaking out and crying and I'm not. or havent except once. Putting my school work with everything. Then Ive been sick. Well I'm down to 105 lbs. THANK GOODNESS! not there but getthing there.. slowly.. but surely I will. Ive started my thinspiration notebook. Man- Its addictive I will just stare at it or cut out pics and put in it. I swear... I am in dire need of a vacation or some drugs. I swear.. omg speaking of drugs... not what I meant but I took trimspa the other day of my friends... I dunno if it works... well yeah im gonna go do some tae bo.

<3,
Hannah

Keep on Smilin...
Smile and think thin.

10:35pm: Freaking Pathetic!
Well... wow! I was doing freaking horrible up until New Years! Then my b/f made me feel comfortable in my own skin. persay. And would compliment me and stuff and tell me if I got any skinner he wouldnt be able to see me. So I got down to a good 105... I know thats not good but still better than I have been doing. Well we broke up a few days ago and I was not eatting anything then I ate alot. Its just so freaking messed up right now. So Im at about 109 at 5'4" and still a size 1 @ hollister... well oh well im about outta time!

9:36pm: doing .... okay
Well these past few days have been pretty good I guess. Ive managed not to eat anything except lunch... which consists of a small turkey sandwich (crustless), diet dr. pepper, 2 fatfree snackwell cookies, and either a piece of apple or rice cake or neither... and thats all I eat for thday day! w00t! ~lol~ My new bestfriend is crystal light! Peach Tea! yummy! only 5 cals! and its mostly water sooo its pretty yummy! espically in the morning! But yeah Ive got other good news... well I got a job and I met this guy there and he was really nice and really cute! well today I found out that he has a crush on me!!! YAY!! I am so excited! well im outie X's & O's!

think thin... (I know I need to!!!)

9:38pm: horrific and fat
well... things arent going so great at all. One of my good friends got into a  car accident the day after thanksgiving and passed away December 1, 2004. He was only 18 and his car was his entire life he loved it more than anything in this entire world. It was a 2005 bright blue Lancer Evo!!! It kicked butt! Did I mention that he was my bestfriend's bf? well he was. It has just been a really sad and unbareable past few months. Not only for that reason but it didnt exactly help. Ive been so freaking depressed lately to the extent I dont even wanna be around people. But Ive been doing a really good job about hiding it though. Cause the only reason I am pretty depressed is about guys. I know that is pretty gay... but its true. I liked this guy sooo much and we've kissed a few times but other than that, theres nothing. He doesnt acknowlege me at school or any other time unless he wants some. So it really hurts cause I liked him alot. Then this is where everything kicks in. I am still a size 1 (thank goodness) but my stomache ugh it looks huge!!! Then my theighs... and my upper arms... I dunno I just feel like a cow. Cause Ive been so depressed and alone that ive buried them all in fat free cookies and sprite... and like no water. So now ive foreced my self on a lettuce, pickel, tuna (plain), and water diet. wow when you put that all together it looks like alot... ugh.... im so down and depressed... i dunno what to do hopefully my spirits will come up soon... I did buy $72 worth of makeup yesterday... well this is all for now...  

6:17pm: starchy day!
OMG there are so many pressures to eat and so hard to hide problems with food... so here's my calorie in take for today... Im not even going to explain why they're so high... im too depressed within myself! ::sigh::

1 red bull sugar free: 10 cals
french fries: 270 cals
1 diet dr. pepper: 0 cals
1 bottle of water: 0 cals
spaghetti: 480 cals
2 servings of white cranberry juice- 240 cals

total: 1000 cals

OMFG this is horrible! deffintly putting myself on a liquid diet for the next few days!

9:43pm: just an update
Yeah so things are "ok" I guess. There isnt really a way to describe the state I am in right now. Its not a horrible one but its not a great one either. People have been bringing up the way I look lately and alot too! I have no idea why. Like Ive just been having random people coming up to me and like omg you're so beautiful.. Im just like no im not but thanx. ya know? Then omg in wellness we were practicing CPR and we were all just chillin and I was laying on the mat cause I was the person they practiced on and all of a sudden out of the blue my ex b/f goes "Hannah do you still think you're fat?" Im like I dont wanna talk about it..and he was like "You're so skinny like a stick I dunno what fat you have" I just ignored it and started talking to my friends. Then another time recently I was talking to one of my friends and she was like yeah "Im sick of this diet im on and blah blah blah" she's chunky so I was like "have you tried a liquid diet?" she's like "omg you're freaking crazy im gonna check you into and anorexia clinic" I just started laughing with her and smiling along. Its so weird ive been getting told im really pretty and skinny and stuff I dunno I guess im doing something right. But lately ive been getting really bad migrains and dizzy spells.. I dunno the only thing the seems to help is to eat something or to go to sleep but I cant exactly go to sleep in school... So does anyone have a quick remedy for that? I dunno maybe im just stupid.. but omg I am so sad... im a size 16 in abercrombie(kids) and im a 1 in hollister! Hollister is semi good I guess but 16 in kids is deffintly not! I use to be a 12/14 I have no clue what happened! ugggh! oh well I guess im just going to have to get stricter on what food I do consume... omg I really wish I could throw up right about now... stupid esphogus!

10:42pm: family reuinon
well my family reuinon was today... it was alright got to see everyone that I only see once a year. No one brought anything healthy to eat! yuck. So I said I didnt like anything plus Im a vegetarian so that "helped". All I ate was some corn and I went to throw away my plate and I asked my grandmother where the trash was and one of my older cousin's he's like 50+ was like "Wow talk about some died"... I just ignored it. It was pretty nice cause everyone was pointing out how beautiful I was, and how fat my cousin has gotten! hahaha it was crazy. Yeah but everyone kept pointing out how I didnt eat.. so it was kinda weird.... i dunno kinda sad right now

11:22pm: omg im sorry
OMG yall I am so sorry I havent posted in a really long time! I dont know whats wrong with me im just spirling down and down. feeling way too depressed. then when I do get happy something else just brings me down. then my ex is suspecious about the whole anorexic thing so im having to kinda just ya know play it off and its really hard. cause he use to be anorexic and i wanna tell him but im afraid it would scare him away since it took us forever to be friends again. I dunno whats wrong with me things just keep getting worse! The only thing Ive got going for me right now is my grades im finally back on the honor roll! haha 2nd honors thanks to english! 87-B grrr. I dunno I think im gonna go do some yoga to calm my thoughts! well if someone wants to im me I would love to talk to you cause I have no one to talk to cause the person I thought Id seems to be talking alot about food...and eatting it and its not helping me any. well IM me on HollisterFlirt07 or HannahsPreppy!

Have A Wonderful Day!
*Hannah*

sry this was just random crap ill try to post better and soon

6:25pm: i ate chinease

Well today started off pretty good other than the doctor. I went and got my nails done no wait thankgoodness. Got my hair done, my stylist is also gonna give me highlights for $80 instead of $120 I found that very kind. But ugh we went to the food court and got something to bring home.. ugh I got chinease fried rice and 2 spring rolls. ugh I ate most of the rice and the spring rolls I feel so sick. But all I had today other than that was a bottle of evian and ice water with my dinner. Ugh Im gonna go take a hot shower and exerise... Have a wonderful day & God Bless! X's & O's!

Oh yeah! at the doctor I found out that I lost a pound 113... wahoo not it actually made me depressed so now Im deffintly going on a fast..

12:15am: My mother on my case

Well lately my mother has been getting on my case about being vegatarian and not eatting enough. Im not sure exactly how to deal with the situation so Ive jsut started complaining that im hungry then I go eat a salad or a rice cake when she says something. But I dont think I am gonna be able to keep eatting salads and rice cakes forever. Espically if the fact that I am eatting food disgustes me. I mean if I could throw it all up would be another story.. but I cant and it sucks. So Im really not sure as of what to do.... I guess ill just keep eatting VERY lite until she stops bugging me about it. I dunno Im going to the doctor tomorrow cause my appt was changed to my normal doctor which is gonna be really weird cause its a pap smear... wahoo not really. But after that I am getting my nails done and a hair cut! So Im excited about that I love getting my nails done. But there is one problem I am going to do all of this with my mother and im getting my nails and hair done at the mall and im sure she is gonna wanna go to a resturant and eat but I guess ill just handle it when that time gets there.... pray everything goes ok at the doctor and with my mom!!!! thanks Have A Wonderful Day & God Bless! X's & O's!

7:51pm: teen ana

I just joined the community teen_ana.

(i was gonna put the teen_ana banner but it wouldnt let me! this thing confuses the heck out of me!!!)

10:16pm: Ugh

Ive been so moody lately it really sucks! Ive also been getting these really horrible migrain headaches. Then my parents have been getting on my case about eatting. My mom has been yelling at me about being vegitarian. Then my dad is on my case about eatting too much or something. I am like I barely eat how can I eat too much. I dunno I guess it just frustrates me cause they're always on my case about something. Ive also had really bad cravings for food lately and Ive tried to keep my hands busy but I dont really have anything to do. So I cook luckily I try to cook for someone else or something I can set aside like brownies and say I made them for someone else. Cause I LOVE to cook and Im really good at it is the sad thing. But its ok I just choose to look at my food not eat it. I do have one good thing though my friends' mother has been telling me im "gorgous" and "really beautiful" and stuff like that and it just makes me glow inside. I feel bad cause I think it sorta hurts my friends' feelings cause her mom said it to me not her. But I mean she's beautiful too. I dunno I guess its just been sooooo long that someone has even paid attention to me and said nice things to me I like to soak it up while I can. anyways... Then Im going to the doctor tomorrow to get put on birth control! wahoo! not really but its ok I guess I mean Im not really excited about having doctor examining my lower area but I guess theres a time for everything. -lol- also its suppose to help like clear up break outs and stuff which is pretty awesome cause I dont break out too much so I guess theres good things that come with bad. Then school starts thursday I am sooo excited! Ive gotten where my thighs dont touch when I walk unless I do the "model" walk with one foot infront of the other. I may have been moody lately but Ive also found myself getting thinner. yay! But I am still fat! Well this was suppose to be a short entry cause I havent had much to say lately. MUCHLOVE muah! God bless!

. : *Hannah* : .

1:59am: Here's My Story so far

I am a sophmore in high school. Public school that is and I face all the normal challenges of a teenage girl. Except that I am never happy with the way I look. Well you say that is really normal. Well I find myself starving myself. When most of my friends if they are unhappy just throw up their food. Which I cant do. I am unable to throw up I never have. When I was born my esphogus wasnt connected to my stomache. So Ive never thrown up nor will I ever be able to. I was also born with a whole in my treakia and my heart. I also have a heart murmur which isnt rare or anything. But it keeps me from doing strenuious activities. Espically running so when I work out I get very light headed and tired fast! Which really sucks. So I gave up for a while but still very self cautious. Until I found myself not eatting again and was talking to one of my really close friends who had noticed. And she mentioned that she has always wanted to be ana which was a surprise to me. Cause everyone else I know would shoot me if they ever found out. So she has now become ana with me. So here I am again. Starving myself to be beautiful! Please tell me if you have any suggestions or just wanna friend!

my stats & other info
current weight: 114lbs
desired weight: 97lbs
boobs: 34b-c
hair: medium brown, naturally curly usually straight (flatiron)
eyes: small almond brown
skin: pretty clear a few breakouts every now and then.. very fair skin
roll models: marykate olsen, misha burton, & britney spears
favorite color: PiNK
favorite band: Dashboard Confessional

Sorry if I bore you!
Sorry I cant spell either!

Have a wonderful day & God Bless!

. : * Hannah * : .